am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
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