I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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