somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
