i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
