There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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