$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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