He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
