well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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