i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
