Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize