i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
