if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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