I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I got her a Nickelback box set.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
