If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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