so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
