So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
