my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
