so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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