Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
