My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
