i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
