handjob tips. give me some.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
