i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
