do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
