I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think your dad took our porno
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
