I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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