PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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