There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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