dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
