'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
