I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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