you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
