My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
