idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
