He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
