If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
