Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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