Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
