Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
