i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
