i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Randomize
