I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
