I think I died a long time ago.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
