Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
