one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?