i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?