There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS