omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.