Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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