This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
