I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
