You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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