Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
