Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
