I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
MIDGETS
????
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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