He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
