dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
