I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
