Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
