It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
