your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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