You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
