I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
