Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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