I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
