I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
