We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
