i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
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lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
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I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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